Sex, songs and sleaze, as you like it, Bhatts please
If Hollywood gave Lord of theRings & Twilight series to world, Vishesh films “bhaat naturally” came with a desi version of it in form of- Jism, Murder & Raaz. Before they make it “Jism” ke “Murder” ka “Raaz”, let’s finish the review of Murder 3 that I invested 4hrs of my life on Youtube catching this flick, eagerly.
Murder 3 another super hit franchise from the stable of Mukesh Bhatt incorp is another urban thriller about sexy women, long legs, deep cleavages, stylish settings, of vulnerable men fighting their own evil, hot shot locations, action atop the sheets, action between the sheets and unfortunately quite some forgetful songs this time. Blame Emraan Hashmi for that!
It is the story of err, ahem who? Ok story has Vikram (Randeep Hooda), a hot shot “rolling cameras, roving eyes” photographer “head over hills” in love with pretty bimbo Roshni (Aditi Rao Hyadri) and wildlife (incl his own) who doesn't waste a movement over mysteriously missing girlfriend, goes out to drink in pub, lose his senses and find himself awake next morning (fully clad) in the sofa of “waitress in times of distress” Sara Loren Aka Nisha. A missed coffee at latter’s “garib” house ends up in a barter of “an inside the restaurant kitchen with a smitten kitten, cooked dinner” and few random shots in valley of flowers and finally in the bed of his palatial yet scary house. Oh, what happens to poor Roshni who went missing without a trace? Well not Randeep’s care as the poor waitress’ hormones were too keen to fall in libido of a man who is prime accuse in disappearance of his estranged girlfriend of two days back. Strange? well not yet. You need to hear this- The cop investigating the case is the ex of his current GF. Yup the still besotted cop is investigating case of the ex girlfriend of his ex girlfriend's current boyfriend. What an "Axe" oops ex effect!
His blank faced acting & performance in bed does the wonder and Miss Loran shifts with Mr. hot shot photographer soon after. She wears exquisite skimpy cloth and takes late night bath in hi-fi sauna (while the hero is away flirting with his stylist), while getting scared alone in the house without a single house keeper. is-People sitting at front rows quipped- Thoda aur "right" maaro moora and hurrah paisa vassol!
But where is Miss Roshni? People who saw the original “La Cara Occulta” or the "Hidden Face" (the official original of this movie) will tell you where. Well the movie is a suspense thriller and talking more about the plot would be equivalent of giving it away. (Sigh I really appreciate the person who coined this statement as it help saves a lot of effort on reviewer’s part including a reminder of the miseries they just faced while watching the movie)
In belief of not having substantially much to talk about the film or tell you newer points that may not have been covered already, let me invite the lead stars to come forth and talk about it. Empathizing with your grudge and deep seeded disappointment of being cheated for your money & time watching this movie, I am all inclined to make this post more readable and entertaining for you (if at all that help). So read on, what the lead stars have to say-
Hi, I am Randeep Hooda, new blue eyed boy of neighhhhhhhhhhhbourhood Bhatt stable of Crime & Erotica. Well Emraan Hasmi is a father now and papa can’t kiss much saala. So the ‘duties’ of making all ‘beauties’ comfortable in their skin is now on my hunky shoulders. Bye bye cheesy movies like love khichdi and Riya Sen, now it’s time to say hi-hi big budget movies and hotter exotic newcomers like Sunny Leone and Sara Loran. Geese! They sound like sister. Ah well- well Kareena Kapoor spoiled me for choices (Wish she had more “scenes” with me in Heroine, the film might have done well). Coming to my co-stars, Aditi is a nice girl, trying too hard so we gave her a chance but still to get better public “view” we decided to lock her out in half of the movie. Does that gives you plot? Shit now you won’t watch it even till interval. Add it to the list of my bed oops bad!
My favorite cuisine is Chinese and dish is steamed dumplings. After having steaming scenes with heroines, they dump me. It happened in this movie too. Why does it happen with me? From heroine to Jism, I was the favorite chick-en dump-ling. No consolations, no compensation. I didn’t even get to make the girl playing the role of stylist in the movie- Comfortable. It was just a picture depicting kiss. Deep Sigh! If the film sinks don’t blame me, as I didn’t get enough skins oops kiss oops enough to eat. And that stupid stylist sent me 50 SMS asking if I ate anything or no.
Well coming to movie, I play role of a hot shot photographer who thinks a thing of beauty is joy forever so I kept tussling around beauties in my palatial house and studio. If you wonder how I got the rich, silly boy did I not tell you I am new jewel in Bhatt sleaze camp? And porn has record of being highest grosser. Some people waste energies making Barfi and Kahani, like we did one called Karma, Holi & Confession with lots of scenes with Miss Universe. Did you say Sushmita Sen? Yeah- yeah she discovered me but so what? Today I have more nos of movies releasing in a month than the lady has in whole year oops two years oopsie 3 years. Oops delete delete! Ma!
Back to my movie, my beautiful architect GF ditches me and suddenly disappears (again) leaving me “high & dry” with a mere good bye video. (No good bye kiss? Sigh how will film work at BO) I got mad with grief and thrown all the expensive flowers and drown myself in daru and giving a sexy looking bar waitress an opportunity to rescue this dumbbell in distress. What? I fell in love with her and hee-hee rest you know. (was just trying to make her comfortable till she disappeared too oops three).
Why do all my GFs disappear inclSushmita Sen (where is she these days/months). What more are you waiting for? Isse jyada role nahi hai mera. (I didn’t have more than this to do) While signing the film, producers gave my screenplay- few smooches, explicit scenes, hammer of acting and oh boy, I look good Charlie!
Sara, over to you!
Hey! Meet me, I am Sara Loren, the only saving grace of this film. Oops I wasn’t talking about my acting skills but overall performance, which includes- looks, good looks & very good looks. Well if you truly meet me, I will take you home. More drunk you are, better. And guess what? With one night free sofa stay, you get a complimentary morning coffee.
So, I am playing Nisha, this hospitable bimbette who is a bar waitress, endowed with this “manav-ta” task of dropping the heavily guzzled men (dumped by their GFs, Susshhhh) safely to their homes. Some lands on my sofa too and like Aamir Khan does a chutney test in 3 idiots, I do a "coffee test". Those who gulp my "free ka coffee" are not my type. However those who do not sip my free ka coffee; I extend the offer by asking coffee, tea or me oops dinner with me. Silly men, they even cook a dinner for me at the kitchen of my up market lounge. And you thought I am poor girl who just works in the bar when the owners leave the entire place for me and my "coffee test qualified" guests to cook a secret dinner in the kitchen without a single soul around and ready ingredients. Ho Ho..that's how cookie crumbles.
So, I like his culinary skill so much that I start roaming around with the guy, visiting his office, going places with him and finally moving in with him. Who says food is best way to only men’ heart? It’s a good start for women as well. Rest is his-story. Whose? The young Vishesh Bhatt- director of the film who doesn't care to develop my character but more concerned about making me feel comfortable. (Shhh no offensive words, Ekta is not suppose to use such words)
Anyways, so I move in with my new boy friend and start taking nocturnal sauna baths at his home to calm my spirited evenings and jump on his bed at day (figuratively) esp when he is away. So what if I got scared while doing it? He is innocent. I ultimately found keys to his heart, chest and closet. What did I do with it? Well I just dangled it in my neck and went back jumping on the bed. Then one fine day I gulped a Mentos, lo & behold, my bird brain ke dimag kibaati jal gayi and I discovered Loren’s theory of “water in sink”. The idea synced in and Eureka!! I found the men oops woman in the mirror. See now you know why I am a big fan of Michael Jackson! End of spooky tales, end of my role.
I worked very hard for this movie, looking good and quintessential dumb wit Bhatt heroine is not that easy. Hope Bhatts will take me in their next movie- Jannat part 3. At least item song to banta hai. So folks, it’s time for my evening sauna, Aditi over to you.
Still cannot recall me? Well I am that pretty actress from Delhi 6. Oh thank God you recalled me. So I play a beautiful, young architect in this movie who suspects her “rolling camera roving eye” boyfriend who is apparently seeing his styling artist friend who gives her 100 miss calls and hundred SMS over few hours time, inquiring to know if he had eaten anything or not while we were happily romancing in a gateway holiday. What did she meant? That I eat everything without leaving for Randeep? I suspected a foul play and openly threatened my holier than thou BF that I will leave him if he doesn't change his barber oops stylist. Hence I decided to go underground and watch my boy friend perform in his ahem master BR and attached wash room. God bless my landlady who showed me the way and still didn't bother to check on me when I went publicly missing. Coming back to my “rolling camera, roving eye” BF, happier with prospect, he got me a bunch of expensive white orchids which made me go weak on knees for him.
Just when I thought he is “head over hills” in love with me, he brought a better looking female to up his ante at his office parties and give a healthy competition to his styling chick. What a fool I have been. Sob-sob, I locked myself in cellar and I forgot the keys too. Good that director made me fled from this movie, I got that as an excuse of a plastic surgery as Numerounity felt that my extreme left profile is not great. Tata!
For the first time in history, here's what a film's poster has to say-
Movie: Murder 3
Starring: Randeep Hooda, Aditi Rao Hyadri, Sara Loren (introducing)
Production: Vishesh Films
NumeroUnity Rating: 2.5/ 5